Stupid jokes
What would you do?I have a moral question for you. This is an imaginary situation,but I think it is fun to decide what one would do.The situation: You are in the Middle East, and there is a hugeflood in progress. Many homes have been lost, water suppliescompromised and structures destroyed.Let's say that you're a photographer and getting still photos fora news service, traveling alone, looking for particularlypoignant scenes.You come across Osama Bin Laden who has been swept away by thefloodwaters. He is barely hanging on to a tree limb and is aboutto go under.You can either put down your camera and save him, or take aPulitzer Prize winning photograph of him as he loses his grip onthe limb.So, here's the question and think carefully before you answer thequestion below:Which lens would you use?
HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES .......
You can Tune a PianoBut you can't Tuna Fish..
I wondered why the base ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a day care where a 3-yr-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.
A thief fell & broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
When the smog lifts in Los AngelesU.C.L. A.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge .
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone it is two tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
Time flies like an arrow fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts> > in feudalism it's your Count that votes.
A chicken crossing the road poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft & I'll show you A-flat miner..
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France> > resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
A calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours and 'taint mine. ('Taint none of it mine lately!!)
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you've seen one shopping center> > you've seen a mall.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture: a jab well done.
Will Rogers said"If there are no dogs in Heaven then when I die I want to go where they went!"
PONDERISMS
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
Whenever I feel blueI start breathing again.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
In the 60'speople took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal..
How is it one careless match can start a forest firebut it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?'
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
If quizzes are quizzicalwhat are tests?
If corn oil is made from cornand vegetable oil is made from vegetablesthen what is baby oil made from?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?
