Some Stupid Jokes

Two drunk men were sitting in the park. The first one says,"Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend itwith both hands.""By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if Itried really hard.""By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, noproblem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend itin half with just one hand.""So", says the second drunk, "What's your point?""Well", says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'mgonna get!"





In the nightmare I found myself nude in bed, and I was looking at a mirror on the ceiling, and I discovered that I am a Negro, and I'm circumcised!
Quickly I jumped up, found my pants and looked in the pockets to find my driver license photo and it was that same color. Black.
I felt myself being very depressed, downcast, sitting in a chair. But it's a wheelchair!!
That means, of course, besides being black and Jewish, I'm also disabled!!!
I said to myself, aloud 'This is impossible. It's impossible that I should be black and Jewish and disabled.'
'It's the pure and holy truth', whispers someone from behind me.
I turn around, and it's my Boyfriend.
Just what I needed!!!
I am a homosexual, and on top of that with a Mexican boyfriend.
Oh, my God..... Black, Jewish, disabled, gay, with a Mexican boyfriend, drug addict, and HIV-positive! !!
Desperate, I begin to shout, cry, pull my hair, and OH, noooooo...I' m Bald!!!
The telephone rings.It's my brother.
He is saying, 'Since mom and dad died the only thing you do is hang out, take drugs, and laze around all day doing nothing. Get a job you worthless piece of crap... Any job.'
Mom?... Dad?... Nooooooooo.. . Now I'm also an unemployed orphan!
I try to explain to my brother how hard it is to find a job when you are black, Jewish, disabled, gay with a Mexican boyfriend, are a drug addict, HIV-positive, bald, and an orphan.
But he doesn't get it.Frustrated, I hang up.
It's then I realize I only have one hand!!!
With tears in my eyes I go to the window to look out. I see I live in a shanty-town full of cardboard and tin houses! There is trash everywhere.
Suddenly I feel a sharp pain near my pacemaker... . Pacemaker?
Besides being black, Jewish, disabled, a fairy with a Mexican boyfriend, a drug addict, HIV- positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, an invalid with one hand, and having a bad heart, I live in a crappy neighborhood.
At that very moment my boyfriend approaches and says to me, 'Sweetiepie, my love, my little black heartthrob, have you decided which innaugral party we are going to for Obama ??????
Say it isn't so!!! I can handle being a black, disabled, one armed, drug addicted, Jewish queer on a Pacemaker who is HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, lives in a slum, and has a Mexican boyfriend, but please, oh dear God, please don't tell me I'm a DEMOCRAT....::-):





A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has providedthe answer to "Where do pets come from?"Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walkedwith us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesomehere and it is difficult for us to remember how much you loveus."And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you thatwill be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my lovefor you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me.Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be,this new companion will accept you as you are and will love youas I do, in spite of yourselves."And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.And it was a good animal.And God was pleased.And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve, and hewagged his tail.And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in theKingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.And God said, "No problem. Because I have created this new animalto be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be areflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them andloved them. And they were comforted.And God was pleased.And Dog was content and wagged his tail.After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord andsaid, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. Theystrut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy ofadoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, butperhaps too well."And God said, "No problem! I will create for them a companion whowill be with them forever and who will see them as they are. Thecompanion will remind them of their limitations, so they willknow that they are not always worthy of adoration."And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.And Cat would not obey them.And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were remindedthat they were not the supreme beings.And Adam and Eve learned humility. And they were greatlyimproved.And God was pleased.And Dog was happy.And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.